I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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