Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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