I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
