watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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