He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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