i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
