my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
