Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
