Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
