I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
