I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
