weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
