if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The air was thick with penises
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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