Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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