and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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