i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
false alarm. still invincible.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
