people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
