I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I need water and some morals
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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