my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
My pussy is not your playground.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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