My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
