She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
