oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
