so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
