Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
