Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
