i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
