Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
