Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
