There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
