shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
