also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
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We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
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Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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