Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
