You can't special order awesome
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
