I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
