how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
