The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
