Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
