if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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