I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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