All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
