I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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