Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
