Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
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