maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
