Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
