Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
