i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
