It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
