JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
