What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
