If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
as a side note pls kill me
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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