apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
