Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
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we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
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So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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