I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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