I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
