Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
