ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
