How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
