Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
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she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
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Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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