I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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