how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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