in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
dude i'm inner monologue high
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
