is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He shit in the fireplace
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
