That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
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eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
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I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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