You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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