what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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