Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
