Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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