I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
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On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
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All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.