Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.