I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..