btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE