she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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