life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
vagina is talking i cant
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
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Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
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Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.