what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.