Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
