What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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