i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
