She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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