So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
